


My December

by EyesToThe_Sky



Series: Jeff/Punk One- Shots. [2]
Category: WWE
Genre: Jeff/Punk, Junk angst, M/M, Miz/Morrison, Morrison is a relationship queen, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-20
Updated: 2014-09-20
Packaged: 2018-02-18 03:56:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,714
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2334377
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EyesToThe_Sky/pseuds/EyesToThe_Sky
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He felt incomplete, like there was something missing from his life. He'd be lying if he said he didn't know what it was or whom to be exact, that it was. Phil swallowed as he thought about his Ex-Lover, and what Jeff may be doing at this very moment. 'It'd be my luck that John would invite Jeff to his party as well.' Phil thought glumly as he walked out onto his balcony. Jeff/Punk; Slash.</p>
            </blockquote>





	My December

**Author's Note:**

> I own nothing. The lyrics to "My December" belong to Linkin Park. Jeff Hardy/CM Punk (Junk) Slash.

_"This is my December._

_This is my time of the year._

_This is my December,_

_this is all so clear._

_This is my December,_

_this is my snow covered home._

_This is my December, this is me alone."_

 

 

Lonely. Since he had fucked shit up with Jeff Hardy, the only man he'd ever truly loved, that's the only word to describe him now. Lonely, he was always so alone now. Nobody wanted to be around him, because they thought him to be an asshole after the way things went down with Jeff. Truth be told though, he honestly didn't want them around him anyways; misery did not want company unless it was Jeff's.

 

_"And I just wish that I didn't feel like there was something I missed._

_And I take back all the things I said to make you feel like that._

_And I just wished I didn't feel like there was something I missed._

_And I take back all the things I said to you."_

 

 

Phil let out a sigh as he glanced around his apartment. He looked down at his watch, noting that it was almost 5 pm and he'd yet to start getting ready to go to John Morrison's Christmas party. John honestly didn't have to invite him, he'd been a complete bastard to John almost all year, ignored him, snapped at him on several occasions, he'd snapped at every one of his friends to be honest and he did not deserve them.

 

John had been trying to help him out of his slump but nothing worked. After all the shit he put his friend through, John still invited him. The thought made Phil almost smile at John's kindness… Or stubbornness, but then he thought about Jeff, and that brought back the heartache. He felt incomplete, like there was something missing from his life. He'd be lying if he said he didn't know what it was or whom to be exact, that it was. Phil swallowed as he thought about his Ex-Lover, and what Jeff may be doing at this very moment. 'It'd be my luck that John would invite Jeff to his party as well.' Phil thought glumly as he walked out onto his balcony.

 

He stared out into the darkening sky, seeing all the happy couples and happy families made Phil even more depressed. Thinking of all the good times among the bad that he shared with Jeff made his dark eyes fill with tears. The first kiss, the first date, and the first time he let another person touch him in a way that no one ever had.

 

Jeff had been his first everything. First kiss from a guy, first boyfriend. They'd been together for over a year and Phil had been certain that Jeff was the man he loved, truly, and deeply. When they first started dating, Phil told Jeff that he had never been with another guy before so he didn't feel comfortable just sleeping with him, just throwing away what could've been a special moment. Jeff had been so understanding, remembering it forced the tears to the point of almost spilling, but not quite.

 

'No… I've cried enough over the past two years' Phil tried to tell himself, but his body didn't seem to cooperate with him, as always. Five years earlier. Phil had just finished his match and hit the showers, only wanting to get something to eat, and climb in bed and hopefully cuddle with his lover, Jeff. He just finished his shower, wrapping the towel around his waist as Jeff walked in with a seductive smirk on his handsome face. _"Hey baby" He had murmured in Phil's ear making him shudder._

 

_"Hey yourself" Phil had replied with a shy smile. Jeff's arms slid around him, his hands cupping Phil's towel clothed ass, making him squirm. "Jeffy!" he exclaimed as Jeff chuckled. "What? I said I'd wait till you were ready to make love, I never promised not to feel ya up every now and then" He whispered in Phil's ear, breath hot against Phil's skin, sending shivers up and down Phil's back. He cupped Jeff's cheek, pulling him down for a sweet kiss, the enigma moaning in his mouth, arms sliding around Phil, hands touching him but respecting Phil's wishes to go no further than that._

 

Phil forced the memory out of his head as tears broke the barrier, making tracks down his cheeks. Jeff proved his love for Phil by waiting for him and staying faithful. A few weeks after that, Phil proved his love for Jeff and showed his trust in him by giving Jeff his virginity. Jeff had taken his time, prepped him, loved on him, kissed away his pain when it started hurting and made it one of the best nights of his life. After Jeff made love to him, he held Phil through the night, whispering that he loved him, over and over. Phil's knuckles turned white from how hard he was gripping the railing of his balcony. His body shook as another memory hit him hard.

 

_"Rapunzel, Rapunzel please let down thy hair!" Jeff called from below Phil's balcony as he gracefully kneeled. Phil smirked as he leaning over the balcony to see Jeff as he tried to hold in a giggle at his goofy boyfriend._

 

_"Who's asking?" he asked in his corniest attempt to sound like a princess._

 

_"Tis me, Prince Jeffrey, here to take thy dearest away from misery so that thy never feel pain again." Jeff replied sounding cornier than Phil had. "Sorry Prince Jeffrey, but my hair is not long enough to reach you, beloved." Phil chuckled watching Jeff's lips curve into smirk. "It's fine by me Princess Phillip I'll take the stairs!" with that, Jeff bowed before racing for the front door._

 

_Phil's smirk widened as moments later Jeff burst through the bedroom door, their lips meeting in a kiss that would put Disney movies to shame. After Phil broke the kiss for air he whispered in Jeff's ear. "Why am I always the princess and you get to be the prince?" Jeff's smirk turned into a smile that brought out the dimples that made Phil's knees go weak. "Cause I top you. That… and you're really beautiful Phillip. Seriously." he murmured before kissing Phil's temple._

 

_"Jeff… women are beautiful. Not guys." He replied as Jeff's lips quirked. "Well… I happen to think you're beautiful Phil. You don't see what I see, but I wish you did." He replied dropping a kiss on the top of Phil's head before breaking the contact, as Phil's cheeks tinted pink._

 

Phil's body was shaking as he fought off more memories, leaving the balcony and going back inside. He angrily wiped his tears away. It was his fault that he lost Jeff, his own stupid fault. He chose a strap of worthless gold and leather over his lover, one stupid two month title reign over the love of his life.

 

_"And I, give it all away,_

_Just to have somewhere to go to._

_Give it all away_

_To have someone to come home to"_

 

He was still haunted by the look of utter pain and betrayal in Jeff's eyes when he cashed in. To this day he was still haunted by the memories everywhere he went. He was still haunted by the nightmares that Jeff had been the remedy for. Jeff was his light that chased away the darkness, chased away the demons waiting around every corner. Jeff was his protection from them.

 

Phil was certain, because the first night he spent alone he woke up screaming, covered in sweat, body shaking from fear. Phil cried out the name of the one man that was his savior, his salvation, but for the first time, Jeff did not come. Phil's world was swallowed up by darkness. Phil had screamed for Jeff until dawn broke, tears in his eyes as he'd stomped down the urge to run to Jeff's hotel room and pound on the door until he opened it. Beg for Jeff's mercy and forgiveness, beg him to hold him, beg him to save him from the dark. Instead, Phil had remained in a fetal position, hugging one of Jeff's shirts to his chest, hoping that Jeff's scent would keep him safe. But it didn't.

 

Looking back, he gave Jeff up for something temporary, for something worthless. Phil now had neither Jeff, nor the stupid title. Phil would give up everything he owned, everything he earned, every title shot, every title reign, his money, his apartment, his car, his job. Everything if it meant he'd get another chance with Jeff, or a chance to go back fix what he fucked up.

 

_"This my December,_

_these are my snow covered trees._

_This is me pretending,_

_this is all I need"_

 

Phil's body was wracked with barely suppressed sobs, as a loud shrill broke through the silence. His cell phone was ringing. As much as he wanted to ignore it, he didn't. Phil picked it up to see who was interrupting his sob fest. 'John Morrison Calling' flashed across the screen as Phil wiped his eyes, pressing 'talk'.

 

"He-hello?" Phil asked cursing himself for stuttering.

 

"You're late."

 

"I know… John… think I'm gonna sit this one out… th-thank you for inviting me but… I can't mak-" Phil started but John interrupted. "I'm at your apartment, open the door, or it's coming down. I swear. I got Mason, Cena, Eve and Mike with me. Try me Philly." JoMo threatened as Phil suppressed a whimper. "Leave me alone. Please John I'm not feeling up to partying. I just…"

 

"I don't care. You're not going to spend Christmas Eve alone. Now open it or I'm telling Mason and Johnny to knock it down. Your choice. Last Chance." John's voice held no indication that he was playing. Phil groaned as he walked over to the front door, ignoring the wrapped gift sitting on his coffee table. He slid the latch open as the knob turned and JoMo stepped in, eyes going wide as he hung up, seeing the state his friend was in. Phil looked like a mess, with red rimmed, teary eyes, hair un-gelled. Phil's clothes were the only thing that looked decent.

 

"Come here babe" John murmured pulling Phil against him. "You're not rotting up here for Christmas Eve. Come on." John pulled Phil to the bathroom to clean him up some.

 

"There. Let's go." John murmured leading Phil to the door.

 

"Wait." Phil mumbled grabbing the present absentmindedly as Eve slid an arm around him once she saw how upset he looked. "Philly… Baby what's wrong?" Morrison gave her a look, shaking his head no. He mouthed 'Don't' as she gave a slight nod. Cena, Mike and Mason kept to themselves seeing how distraught Phil looked. It didn't take long to reach the place John had rented out for his party. As they walked inside sure enough, as Phil had guessed, Jeff was there. After debating with himself, Phil forced himself to walk over to the enigma. "Jeff?" He asked as Jeff turned around, pushing his short locks out of his face, his emerald eyes taking in Phil's appearance.

 

Phil looked like he'd been crying, Jeff noted, his short hair hung down with no hair gel. "I… uh… got this for you… Uh… Merry Christmas." Phil struggled not to break down in front of him, as he pushed the small box into Jeff's hands before he turned on his heel, heading for the bathroom, suddenly feeling sick. Jeff's eyes followed Phil, glancing back down to the box in his hands.

 

"He's been absolutely miserable without you. He's not even the same person that he used to be." John mumbled sadly as Jeff glance at him. "Why do you say that?"

 

 

* * *

 

Phil wiped his mouth, looking disdainfully at his reflection in the mirror, seeing all of the ugly showing in his eyes. He looked so pathetic. It made him want to vomit again. Instead he punched the mirror as hard as he could, watching it shatter upon impact, pieces falling to the floor like the snow outside; except, this snow wasn't as pure.

 

* * *

 

"All he does is coop himself up, especially on the holidays. When I used to room with him, after you left, he'd cry out your name in his sleep. I guess he thought I had been sleeping, but a few times, he'd cried himself to sleep, and if that failed he'd either leave, and stay out all night, or climb in my bed, and cuddle up to me. I miss the old Phil." John whispered as Jeff felt his heart strings getting tugged on.

 

"He's sorry Jeff. He made a mistake. Please just give him another chance?" John asked as Jeff took a deep breath. "Why should I?"

 

* * *

 

He reached down, picking up a shard of glass, holding it up to watch it shimmer and shine under the lights. The glass was pretty; the glass was everything he wasn't. He squeezed the shard, feeling his palm splitting open as he tightened his fist around it, watching his hand rain red.

 

'The pain, the misery would be over soon.'

 

' It could be over so quickly.'

 

'It's so easy, it always has been.'

 

His demons whispered to him as Phil lifted the bloody shard to his wrist.

 

* * *

 

"Cause. He may have screwed up once, but he accepted you, and your faults. I'm afraid for him Jeff. I'm scared that one of these times I'll walk in and find him… it's gone on two years too long… I think he's about to give in…" John stopped himself as Jeff took another deep breath, forcing away his nicotine craving as he started for the bathroom.

 

"Phil!" Jeff called walking in, stopping as he spotted the broken glass.

 

His gaze landed on Phil, his back to the door Jeff had walked through. Jeff rushed to his side, seeing the blood on the floor in front of Phil. Jeff yanked Phil into his arms.

 

"Stop" He whispered, taking the bloody shard out of Phil's hand and throwing it away.

 

"J-Jeff?" Phil asked as he came out of his slight trace seeing the worry, the guilt in Jeff's eyes as he went about checking Phil's wounds. Aside from his hand, Phil was fine. Jeff released a breath of relief. He'd gotten there right in the nick of time. Jeff shuddered to think of what he might've stumbled upon a minute or so later. He might've been too late.

 

"Phillip. Why?" Jeff asked as he held Phil's hand under the faucet.

 

"I don't know…" Phil whispered as he watched Jeff wrap his hand with one of his wrist bands.

 

"I… needed you…" Phil whimpered as Jeff took his head in his hands. "I forgive you. Now stop. You scared me baby." Jeff whispered before he kissed Phil's lips. Phil whimpered as he broke the kiss to bury his face in Jeff's neck, breathing his scent in, feeling his body starting to relax, as he prayed to God that this wasn't another dream.

 

"I'm sorry Jeffy" Phil whispered, tears in his eyes as Jeff leaned down to kiss them away.

 

"I've already forgiven you sweetness" Jeff whispered, nuzzling Phil's nose with his own. They were so into each other they didn't see two pairs of eyes watching them.

 

"Do you think they're gonna be okay?" Mike asked in a hushed tone.

 

"Yeah. I think so. They both deserve to be happy." John murmured back as he watched couples swaying on the dance floor, including Mason and Eve.

 

"Wanna dance Johnny?" Mike asked holding out a hand to his lover.

 

"Why yes I would like to, thank you" John replied with a smirk, taking Mike's hand, allowing himself to be dragged out on to the dance floor.

 

* * *

 

Jeff held Phillip against his chest, both men crying for different reasons.

 

Phil because Jeff admitted that he still loved him, and forgave him. Jeff was crying because his little petty grudge almost cost him the love of his life, though everything seemed to be okay now.

 

Maybe everything would be okay, maybe it wouldn't, and neither man knew if it would be for sure but they did know one thing, neither could take the risk of not trying.

 

~Finished.


End file.
